It's that critical time in the 30 day challenge. Around Day 20, when participation drops off, and feelings of "WTF am I doing?" set in. Am I accomplishing my goals? Does anyone notice or care? Is this even worth it? It's not a great time to be hit with a big blow to your self esteem. But nonetheless, I was hit.
In keeping with themes, here were some of our recent themes. They eerily lined up with this self esteem thing:
- Day 17: Selfie
- Day 18: Inspiration
- Day 22: Confidence
Ugh. So I've been the recipient of some harsh criticism. The details are not terribly important, it was a confrontation at work, some misunderstandings and I don't know...personality conflicts I suppose.
What to do now? I'm supposed to be living and blogging about getting fit and feeling great. I do feel pretty great most of the time. I did. Now I'm all butt hurt and weepy and I want to go hide in a bag.
The thing about this challenge is that it's got to give me some transferable skills. By which I mean, strength. And confidence. It's not enough to get strong and feel encouraged when things are going well and all my friends have rallied around me. What about when these 30 days are over? What about when no one is rallying and I'm on my own and something happens that just sucks?
At that critical moment I need some of this strength I've been working on. Not just muscle strength, but you know, strength. I feel confident doing hard workouts. My body is getting stronger, my resilience and endurance have improved. All of this transfers to the person I am inside. I mean, it has to! Otherwise what are we even really doing? Losing weight is great (incredibly grateful for that, trust me) but after the pounds are gone I will still be here and I'll still be me.
And there will be more sucky moments. I can't just crumble. I can't necessarily gather my friends and people who tend to agree with me and say, Look! Someone was mean to me! Make it better!! (I mean, I "can" do that technically, but you know... it might get old after the 27,000th time.)
The point is to build up some armor. So I'm trying to do that. I'm creating my own little well of confidence that I can dip into when I need it. It's easier said than done. Despite all the positivity around me, I hear this voice saying "hey you're not that great, maybe you had this personality conflict because your personality sucks and no one likes you! HA!"
Not helpful, little voice.
The 30 day challenge is nearing the end. I'm starting to think about where we go from here. It's been a fun journey, and my team of amazing friends are truly the very, very best. And so am I. Here's a selfie to prove it.